I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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