She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
