Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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