I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
