Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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