her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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