a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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