Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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