I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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