Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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