Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
