I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
