There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
