I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
