i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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