You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
