Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
