Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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