there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
