I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
