the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
