took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Vodka?
Forever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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