Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
