Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
