I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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