A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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