It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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