Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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