Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
