I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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