Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
