It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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