the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
