I understand Curling. That high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
