i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
