I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Terrible idea I love it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize