And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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