Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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