Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
