My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
