If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
