is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
