how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
