fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize