No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize