Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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