I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't deserve a penis
We have so much sex to catch up on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
