I wish I could punch you in the face.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
