So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
