who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
