based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
