OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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