I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
