anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
