Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
