When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
