Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
