Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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