The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
