I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
