At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
